Find
by Auroura
Summary: "I want to line the pieces up." Riku and someone he hasn't seen in a very long time. Spoilers for the entirety of Birth By Sleep.


Title: Find  
Characters/Pairings: Riku, Terra, very lightly mentioned Riku/Sora.  
Summary: "I want to line the pieces up"  
A/N: Spoilers for the entirety of BBS. Unbeta'd since my beta hasn't finished the game yet :P

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**Find**

The place is indistinguishable. A slate-gray tone covers almost everything, save tiny bits of fog around his ankles here and there. He's been walking for a little bit. A while ago, everything was snow and cold and overly-reflective of the lights dancing in the nighttime sky, but this place is different. More dulled, maybe. He doesn't know where he is. It's only when he sees another approaching that he pauses, stops in his tracks.

The other stops as well, at first as surprised as he is, then smiling in a faintly subdued way.

"It's you." The other person almost sounds like he isn't sure.

"It's you," he repeats back, and his throat feels tight. How long has it been since he's seen this person? At least ten years, probably.

"…Riku?" They're both still cautious, for the moment.

"Yeah," Riku replies, and it's all he can do to keep his voice steady. The man takes a step forward.

Riku is five years old, and tears start to slowly run down his cheeks. He dashes forward, and the man kneels down. Unthinking, Riku dives into the outstretched arms, which then wrap around him lightly, one armored, one unarmored.

"I really missed you," Riku hiccups. It's a little embarrassing, being this loud about it. He wants to be strong, right? Wasn't that what he wanted to show this man? So he stops and collects himself, and the man slowly releases him from the embrace.

"I can only stay for a little bit," the man says. Riku tries to wipe his face clean, but looks stubbornly back at the man.

"Why?" The man doesn't respond right away, but instead stands up and takes a few steps back.

"I wanted to talk to you." Riku is seventeen. He doesn't cry like that except for a few, specific exceptions. He can't tell if that was one of them or not. "It's been a long time."

"I… don't know if I did things the right way," Riku admits. He thinks of what he did to Destiny Islands before Sora fixed everything. He thinks of the other things he's ashamed of. He thinks of what happened to the Keyblade, and how long it took him to earn one back. He wonders if the man is disappointed.

"You did better than me," the man responds. Riku's brow furrows. "The light, and the darkness; you figured it out, when I couldn't."

"It doesn't always feel like that."

"Sometimes, we forget." The man's face turns slightly inwards.

"Then," and it feels important to say it, "maybe you need a reminder." The man smiles. Riku doesn't know if he's any good at giving reminders, but he still needs to try.

"Yeah. It really helps." He looks like he's about to say something else, then stops, expression turning serious once more.

"What is it?" Riku feels like he's moments away from something.

"I have to go soon." The man looks regretful. "I'm sorry." He says it like it's for more than one thing, and Riku doesn't know why.

"Don't go," he whispers. "You can stay like this, right?" He almost reaches out. It hurts, not being able to make him stay, like they're both losing against something else.

"I can't," the man responds. He pauses for a moment, then continues. "I wish I could."

"I want you to stay." Another tear rolls slowly down a despondent five-year-old Riku's face. The man touches a hand to Riku's hair lightly for a moment.

"How about," he suggests, "you come and find me?" Riku is fifteen, and his face feels pulled tight from the salt and moisture, but he's not crying anymore.

"I don't know if I can do that." His heart is pounding too loudly in his chest. The man frowns slightly. Riku doesn't know what he wants to do.

"You _can_, you know. I think you know where I'll be better than most people." Riku swallows a knot of something uncomfortable back down his throat. The man starts to raise a hand to touch Riku's hair again, but seems to decide against it halfway through and lets his arm drop back down. "I think it would help both of us."

It's so quiet.

"That might be okay." Riku is seventeen. He wants to help, if he can. That's good… isn't it?

"See you later," the man says, and though everything feels very serious, he's got the hint of a smile again.

"See you," Riku echoes. The man nods once, then turns and leaves. Riku stays there, for a few moments after he's left, and watches the empty air with his eyes wide open and his lungs off-time with his heart.

.r.r.r.

Riku wakes up crying. He's breathing very shallowly, and Sora will probably wake up if he can't calm himself down, but Riku wants to keep this moment to himself for just a little bit longer. He can't even remember what the dream was _about_, but it feels like he's misplaced something. Like there's a secret he's been keeping from himself, like he can't interpret the pieces he has properly. Like there's something he's supposed to have been _doing_, but hasn't. He doesn't know if the part of him that wants to hesitate is smarter, or if the part of him that refuses to hesitate is less childish, or if it's something else entirely.

But he also feels like the state he's in right now is going to be temporary. It's an uncomfortable state, but Riku feels like he'll be able to make it through the transition somehow, even if it's not right away. There's a few pieces that he's still missing, but as long as he keeps looking, he thinks he might be able to find them eventually.


End file.
